My mother..... no words to describe her...

My mother.... what should i say about her???



My mother, the first essay topic i remember i wrote in school... but did we really understand the importance of this Godly figure we have? Did we ever think tht if it was not for her, we would not hav seen the light of this day?? did we realise tht we r nothing without her?? did we ever realise how much she loves us cares for us... did we realise how much she protects us??

Frankly speaking, I dint... but then i regret it so much... i regret every little thing tht i did which caused her enormous pain... Even as a child i remember being very fussy over food... with fish being my favorite food, i would not eat my food and leave my plate untouched if i dint see fish in it... even though it used to be days wen we were supposed to eat veggy i used to make such a big fuss.. n now... being away from home for so many years i just yearn for tht home food... wid just tht mom's hands taste whether be it veg food or non veg... i really yearn for tht...

I m very choosy when it comes to picking up my dresses... I remember several times my mom bought clothes for me, and since i dint like them very much, i just made her return them back to the shop and get it exchanged for the one i liked... but now how much i yearn for mom selecting a dress for me, whether i like it or not, i make it a point to buy the one my mom chooses for me, for the simple reason tht she has a right to see tht her daughter wears wat she feels will look gud on her.

coming from a middle class family, which i could call as an upper middle class, i dint realise tht there could be financial problems... I would just nag her for things and even though it would mean disturbing her monthly budget, she would somehow adjust to give me the things i desired. Now wen i just tell her tht im sometimes short of money, i become speechless wen she asks me... "did you realise how difficult it would have been for me to adjust budget wen u were so demanding for things...???"

Balancing home and work i wonder how those fragile shoulders would hav had time for herself... I wonder how she would hav shouldered responsibility of 2 lil kids... might be tht, God has given so much strength to those shoulders....

I used to be from the kind who are argumentative lot... i remember arguing with my mom for silly reasons... I dint realise tht time tht, if she had said "no" for something... it was just out of concern for me... It so happened tht i used to act sulky and keep my food untouched, least knowing tht i would only be hurting myself by not eating... but my mom roaming around me and saying sorry, just becoz i should eat my food, even though it wouldn't be her fault...

As a child, i remember my mom applying oil to my hair... and i used to dread tht slimy oily kinda look... i used to run away... and my mom used to run behind me with tht oil bottle... I now sometimes wish tht if my mom would be here, it would be such a nice feeling to hav her fingers run through my hair wen i hav those splitting headaches...

She tries to do all tht stuff tht wil keep tht smile on my face... If she seez me absorbed in thoughts, shez worried.. if she seez me happy... her face glows in happiness...
I see her cry silently wen i say things she doesn't like... i see her care for me and spend sleepless nights wen i hav tht risen body temperature... I see her cook the best of meals to satiate my tastebuds... I see her do all household chores just so tht i dont hav to get myself involved wid tht n tht i study... I saw her striving day and night just to give me the best of everything...

Now tht i stay a bit far from home, it dreads me so much wen i come to know tht she is unwell... I know until n unless shez forced to do it, she will never take her tablets on time... even though she has a rising temperature, she will not take rest, but just do things normally as if she is very healthy... How much i feel i should have been at home those times wen she was unwell... how much i miss taking care of her, just the way she would take care of me...

I just want to commit myself here, i want to do all those things tht will make my mom happy... I would do any possible thing just to see tht satisfied kinda smile of hers... I wish i could give her all those things tht she was deprived of, just becoz she thought tht her children needed things, and their needs were important rather than her's.

If only i had listened to her and done things the way she experienced life, i would twice as successful... Now i know tht her wisdom acquired with age is enormous... I wish God will keep on blessing me in the form of my mom so tht every step i go rong, i hav someone who can reprimand me, and wen i take the correct step, i hav someone to give tht warm pat on my shoulders...

Staying far away from my mom, I yearn now for those hands which used to caress me as a child... I yearn for tht lap in which i used to find solace... I yearn for tht food ... I yearn for all tht love and care...

I know your eyes must hav moistened while reading this... if at all you feel so... just make a call at home and enquire specially about your mom... I kow she will be most happy... and if you stay wid your mom, jus spend at least half n hour with her daily... and see her wrinkled face delighted... just saying so coz i couldnt spend tht half n hour daily... and i know how delighted my mom becomes.. wen she just has tht half n hour wid me, wen i go home...

In my earlier blog, I had mentioned about God's angels... Parents... sometimes in life now we will be parents too... and i know my mom will help me to raise my children with the most righteous attitude... I know tht the circle of life continues... and there .... another mother will be born, with the same concern for her kids... the way my mother showed concerns towards me...

Baabul ka Aangan....

Thoughts edited 15 days before my marriage:
Does the topic seem to be some kinda Hindi daily soap title? unfortunately it is not... I am going to express feelings here which only a girl does experience... when?? wen its time for her to get married. I am on the verge today of exchanging marriage vows with a person who will be called my life partner, but the turmoils going on in my mind can anybody feel it?? except for me myself?? so i thot of using this blog as a medium to give vent to the feelings deep inside me and bring the real me outside, a daughter.

Its really hard to be a daughter... Did i just say tht?? well i had heard my mom saying wen i was a kid tht "A daughter is a huge responsibility". Little did i know the pain and hardships tht parents face to raise a daughter. I used to always wonder why my mom talked tht way... I mean wat was the difference, a girl or a guy.. arent they same?? Hasn't our society accepted girls as well as boys to be equal?? then why did i hear my mom say tht???

I will be married off in another 15 days, and to tell you the truth, m really feeling very insecure at this time. Imagine a girl, who was raised to be a pet of her parents, a cynosure of her parent's eyes...who never shouldered life's responsibilities, was always protected and now... she is told to shoulder responsibilities which she can consider to be huge on her tiny shoulders.

25 years of my life... I dont remember when i uttered the first word as a kid neither do i remember my first step taken as i started to walk, only i can remember is the warmth and care tht my parents bestowed upon me in every walk of my life. I can only remember the fights I had with my younger brother and the mending up again.
and here I am ... stepping into a new world in just another 15 days... How will life be there? how will his parents be and how will they treat me? Though mine would be a love marriage, still i could find myself asking all these question and feeling insecure

Thoughts edited 1 day before my marriage:
Me sitting with my brother and suddenly bursting out crying.He consoling me saying that "you are the person who makes people cry... it doesnt suit wen u yourself cry..." and i start crying more than before... well I felt so nostalgic at that moment. Everyone at home were preparing for my marriage which was supposed to be solemnised on the next day, and i was busy crying. A girl having spent 24 years of her life at her home, suddenly the home no longer remains her's. The rooms she has been so used to being in suddenly become alien to her. All the memories associated with all the things in the house as well as the surroundings... how is it possible for her to just leave back n accept a totally new household as her own?

Thoughts edited on d day of my marriage:
Well my marriage day dawned and everyone seemed so busy. The marriage ceremony went on as planned. People seemed 2 be happy and I too was enjoying all the rituals. Everything seemed Ok till it was time for me to leave to my husband's house.
All the while throughout the ceremony i didn't get time to think about anything, but then at the time of my departing to the so called "my house" i could not control myself.
My mom knew very well that this time will be difficult for me if she stayed there, and even before me realising wat was happening, she just hugged me this once and ran aside leaving me alone there. My dad was with me and i was clinging to him so tight. I was feeling like a child from whom its most dear toy has been flung far far away...
All my immediate family members pulled me away from my father till i was no longer clinging to him... but i continued to turn my head to see if i could get a glimpse of my mom n father. such was my condition tht i felt i had been the last person to be left alone on this earth.

Thoughts edited just after my marriage:
While i was traversing the Kilometers on the road which would take me to my in-laws place, the only thoughts erupting in my brain were: how would i b able to survive in a place full of new people?? all those years i had been calling "my house" now which one should i be calling as mine?? How will it be like wen i wil return to my mom's place... i just wanted to break free tht time n run back... jus run back n reach "my house"...
I reached at my in-law's place and was overwhelmed with the cordial welcome tht i received. everything wen on so well. Everyone seemed to be so warm and reassuring, just like how everyone is at my home... immediately i could feel at ease and at home...after finishing the normal rituals, I immediately called up my parents and was so glad to hear their voice... all the doubts tht i had about my fitting in into the new environs had vanquished.

Now what should i say about "Baabul Ka Aangan"... It stil remains the place it used to be before for me... a place where i can find solace... nothing seems to hav changed... its just tht i hav a few more dear ones added to the list of already existing ones... and my life continues... Me and my thoughts once again...