Baabul ka Aangan....

Thoughts edited 15 days before my marriage:
Does the topic seem to be some kinda Hindi daily soap title? unfortunately it is not... I am going to express feelings here which only a girl does experience... when?? wen its time for her to get married. I am on the verge today of exchanging marriage vows with a person who will be called my life partner, but the turmoils going on in my mind can anybody feel it?? except for me myself?? so i thot of using this blog as a medium to give vent to the feelings deep inside me and bring the real me outside, a daughter.

Its really hard to be a daughter... Did i just say tht?? well i had heard my mom saying wen i was a kid tht "A daughter is a huge responsibility". Little did i know the pain and hardships tht parents face to raise a daughter. I used to always wonder why my mom talked tht way... I mean wat was the difference, a girl or a guy.. arent they same?? Hasn't our society accepted girls as well as boys to be equal?? then why did i hear my mom say tht???

I will be married off in another 15 days, and to tell you the truth, m really feeling very insecure at this time. Imagine a girl, who was raised to be a pet of her parents, a cynosure of her parent's eyes...who never shouldered life's responsibilities, was always protected and now... she is told to shoulder responsibilities which she can consider to be huge on her tiny shoulders.

25 years of my life... I dont remember when i uttered the first word as a kid neither do i remember my first step taken as i started to walk, only i can remember is the warmth and care tht my parents bestowed upon me in every walk of my life. I can only remember the fights I had with my younger brother and the mending up again.
and here I am ... stepping into a new world in just another 15 days... How will life be there? how will his parents be and how will they treat me? Though mine would be a love marriage, still i could find myself asking all these question and feeling insecure

Thoughts edited 1 day before my marriage:
Me sitting with my brother and suddenly bursting out crying.He consoling me saying that "you are the person who makes people cry... it doesnt suit wen u yourself cry..." and i start crying more than before... well I felt so nostalgic at that moment. Everyone at home were preparing for my marriage which was supposed to be solemnised on the next day, and i was busy crying. A girl having spent 24 years of her life at her home, suddenly the home no longer remains her's. The rooms she has been so used to being in suddenly become alien to her. All the memories associated with all the things in the house as well as the surroundings... how is it possible for her to just leave back n accept a totally new household as her own?

Thoughts edited on d day of my marriage:
Well my marriage day dawned and everyone seemed so busy. The marriage ceremony went on as planned. People seemed 2 be happy and I too was enjoying all the rituals. Everything seemed Ok till it was time for me to leave to my husband's house.
All the while throughout the ceremony i didn't get time to think about anything, but then at the time of my departing to the so called "my house" i could not control myself.
My mom knew very well that this time will be difficult for me if she stayed there, and even before me realising wat was happening, she just hugged me this once and ran aside leaving me alone there. My dad was with me and i was clinging to him so tight. I was feeling like a child from whom its most dear toy has been flung far far away...
All my immediate family members pulled me away from my father till i was no longer clinging to him... but i continued to turn my head to see if i could get a glimpse of my mom n father. such was my condition tht i felt i had been the last person to be left alone on this earth.

Thoughts edited just after my marriage:
While i was traversing the Kilometers on the road which would take me to my in-laws place, the only thoughts erupting in my brain were: how would i b able to survive in a place full of new people?? all those years i had been calling "my house" now which one should i be calling as mine?? How will it be like wen i wil return to my mom's place... i just wanted to break free tht time n run back... jus run back n reach "my house"...
I reached at my in-law's place and was overwhelmed with the cordial welcome tht i received. everything wen on so well. Everyone seemed to be so warm and reassuring, just like how everyone is at my home... immediately i could feel at ease and at home...after finishing the normal rituals, I immediately called up my parents and was so glad to hear their voice... all the doubts tht i had about my fitting in into the new environs had vanquished.

Now what should i say about "Baabul Ka Aangan"... It stil remains the place it used to be before for me... a place where i can find solace... nothing seems to hav changed... its just tht i hav a few more dear ones added to the list of already existing ones... and my life continues... Me and my thoughts once again...