My India is bleeding - Why am i silent?

So much has been said and written about the 26/11 attack on India’s commercial lifeline Mumbai. Mumbai - The resilient city… the city which never sleeps… the city full of life. Well its just not Mumbai, it has been so many places: Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Guwahati, Hyderabad, Delhi… they have stripped my country of its skin. I had no words to write when I first thought of penning down a blog dedicated to this inhumane activity called Terrorism. I couldn’t do anything when Ahmedabad bled, Bangalore bled and also the rest of the country. And I couldn’t stop crying on seeing the ghastly murderous scenes in Mumbai which were flashed over TV by various channels over and over again.

I just could not figure out the logic behind killing innocent people as these terrorists did. It seems to be the eye for an eye, hand for a hand of the Gabbar Singh ideology, but then why a wrong eye and a wrong hand. Why don’t these so called ‘jihadis’ or even the ‘Hindu extremist groups’ declare a war against the wrongdoer politicians? It would be better if they do so and cleanse out political front. It would be a relief to the common people as well as a decent death to the so called “dutiful” religious groups who want to attain heaven. And if that was the case, I would open heartedly support these terrorists. But why innocent people? What had these people done to deserve such a grotesque death?

Also, would it be improper if the people looked askance at the politicians? Well, in all the attacks, I have never ever heard any politician being killed. Why is it so? Is there an invisible nexus between the politicians and the terrorists? Do these politicians know exactly when and where the next attack would be, so that they stay away from the place? Corruption starts from these so called “People’s servants”. And they are the sole perpetrators of “Terrorism”. We need able government and more so able leaders who can take proper action within minutes of a threat to National security. But what do our “protectors” do? They wait for reports to confirm whether the threats are real and also to gauge the severity of the threats. By the time they think of taking some action, our brethren are no more. And then there are reports confirming our inefficiency to tackle such intense attacks. Why don’t we try to strengthen our internal security, and if not totally eliminate such attacks, at least reduce the casualties to the minimum? With terror attacks becoming rampant all over the country, what India requires at this point of time is strong combat strategies like the ones used by the US. Why do we need US intervention every time we are attacked? Are we weak? Has the US taken over the security issues of all countries? Is the US going to provide us with security cover and investigation every time our security is breached? Why then do we require US intervention? If US can wipe out Iraq due to 1 attack on the Trade center, what do we do for so many attacks on our motherland? Why aren’t our political leaders questioning the integrity of US stand during such crisis situation?

Our country is bleeding in all directions. No one seems to save us. Should we take law into our hands during such situations? I heard people who were surveyed on some news channel during the attacks saying that “Give us some weapons. We are enough to get them out and kill them”. If India has such kind of people who really mean what they say, then why not build up an army on the grounds of LeT? Let them be trained to tackle only terrorists and nothing else. We have been attacked from all sides. They have left no stone unturned to make us bleed. Why is executing a Terrorist like Afzal Guru taking so long? When US can capture and also execute Saddam Husain within a span of 2-3 months, why can’t we get the Don Dawood Ibrahim from Pakistan?

Pakistan has been falsely claiming that it follows peace process and also pledges full co operation to the Indian troops in their fight against terror. But then why is the LeT chief able to make public speeches even when the organization has been banned? Why are they not handing over the 1993 Mumbai blast suspect Dawood? Now there are reports that Pakistan is strengthening its army at the border in wake of suspected retaliation from Indian army. If they are not at all pioneers of terrorism, why are they so intimidated into thinking of an attack in reciprocation? Why are they not co operating? And what is taking India government such a long time to investigate and then think of striking? The training groups at the PoK should be immediately brought to task and targeted at. Why are they not giving concrete assurances of eliminating them? Why is India waiting and for what?

So many questions unanswered. So many people lost their lives. My country lost some of its valiant soldiers. My heart cries every time i remember the blasts. The blasts though in Mumbai, sending a deep shudder through my soul. I don't know what should be my line of action now. I really want to do something against this terrorism, but i dont know what or how to go about it. I just can't see my India bleeding all over. Its such a dreaded condition, we don't even know how many terrorists are roaming all around us and we don't even recognise them. It seems the terrorists were a bunch of smart and cool guys. who would have mistaken them for terrorists. They seemed to be knowing the best of technology and were hi tech. Now technology which was developed for the betterment of humans is turning out to be a curse in disguise.

Time will heal all injuries. This attack will be long forgotten. It will just remain as another memory and also as a general knowledge item for students. but those people who lost their lives and those soldiers who turned martyrs will always be remembered by their families. I really hope that some miracle takes place and the blot of terrorism is wiped out from the face of this world. I really pray so. and really hope that i get a chance to do something against this terrorism which is haunting my India, so that it will not bleed again...

To someone I adore the most!!!

I dedicate this song to the person I adore the most. I do not have to name this person here; people close to me will definitely know who it is…

Movie : Yaarana
Singer : Kishore Kumar
Lyricist : Anjaan

Tere jaisa yaar kahan, Kahan aisa yaarana
Yaad karegi duniya, Tera mera afsana
Tere jaisa yaar kahan, Kahan aisa yaarana
Yaad karegi duniya, Tera mera afsana

Meri zindagi sawaari, Mujhko gale lagake
Baitha diya falak pe, Mujhe khaat se uthake

Meri zindagi sawaari, Mujhko gale lagake
Baitha diya falak pe, Mujhe khaat se oothake
Yaara teri yaari ko, Maine to khuda mana
Yaad karegi duniya, Tera mera afsana

Mere dil ki ye dua hai, Kabhi door tu na jaaye
Tere bina ho jeena, Wo din kabhi na aaye

Mere dil ki ye dua hai, Kabhi door tu na jaaye
Tere bina ho jeena, Wo din kabhi na aaye
Tere sang jeena yahan, Tere sang mar jaana
Yaad karegi duniya, Tera mera afsana

Tere jaisa yaar kahan, Kahan aisa yaarana
Yaad karegi duniya, Tera mera afsana



Well, thanks Friend. I owe a lot to you. You are one of the nicest things that have happened to me. Life would be so different without you being there. I dint know the meaning of Friendship until I bumped into you. You showed me all the dedication and commitment one shows his friends. I know you will not read this post as reading is not your habit and I will not make it a point to specifically tell you to go through my blog entry coz that will mean devaluation of my feelings. Sometimes if you come across my blog, just drop me a comment here so that I will know you came to my blog once…

Well I have been so rude at times to you, I jus can’t imagine being so rude to anyone else… I have shared my secrets with you; I can’t imagine sharing them with anyone else. You have been so protective towards me; I can’t imagine anyone being more protective. You know my thoughts so well; you know how I will be reacting to situations. You know my strengths, you know my weak links. Life to me before meeting you was not different, you dint change things for me. You just made me feel more confident about myself than how I was before… You made me look at things differently.

I was a person who could easily get worked up; you taught me to be patient. I was a person who could lose faith easily; you taught me the power of patient faith. I was a person who could see the flaws and criticize first; you taught me to first see the virtues and then the flaws. It’s you who has taught me the meaning of sacrifice for a friend, I dint know any… It’s you who has been my motivating factor always and only you who could pull me out of trying times. It’s you who can scold me to any extent without me taking it the harsh way… and it’s just you whom I could contact for any reason whatsoever. I wonder whether all that you have taught me, would have been taught by anybody else.

There are so many things I would write about you, but then I feel those things would deserve a better place in my mind then over here in this blog. This blog is just to tell you that you held and will always hold a very special place in my heart. Somehow I find myself so dependent on your friendship now that I wonder whether I will be able to make such a close friend ever again. And if death does us apart sometimes someday, I promise to be your friend till eternity…Wherever we go wherever we stay; we will always share the same affection we shared years ago. You will always be the “someone I adore the most”.

The Sourav phenomenon!

Adieus to the Cricketer I always admired and will admire the most. Dada aka Bengal Tiger aka Maharaja aka Sourav Ganguly for me is a symbol epitomizing endless struggle and resilience. Today I will dedicate this post of mine to this person whom I have never met in my life or stand a chance of meeting. Cricket, I started understanding this game when I was in my 7th standard at the NGHS. My brother introduced me to the cricketing world. I was a newbie then and had little knowledge of what Cricket was. I used to sit with him and be glued to the TV dumbstruck. Calculating averages, predicting scores… Oh my God I wonder whether I was a psycho at that time… Sachin Tendulkar was supposed to be the God and then immediately came Sourav… I became a die hard fan of this guy.

There have been lots of comparison between Sourav and Sachin and I don’t intend to do so as doing it will only belittle their individual performances. Both of them are gr8 players, but I will speak only about Sourav, me being a fan of him. There are many speculations in the media about this stylish lefthander and I will try to do justice to my words while writing about him. I can’t substantiate all the criticism pertaining to him or his personal life nor can I prove anything in favor of him. I would only like to put my thoughts across while saying adieu to the Cricketer I appreciate the most.

Right from my school days I never missed a single match in which India played. I remember we hardly used to even have food. Just be sitting in from of the idiot box. We didn’t have a cable connection at that time and the only source was the Doordarshan. The match interspersed with the advertisements was something we really loved to watch. We got lot of scolding from our parents for so called “wasting our time” in front of the TV that too for a Cricket match. But we bore all the odds and watched every single India match possible.

I always saw Sourav as a tough-to-break guy, Always surrounded by controversial environs. So much is said about him, yet he stands tall amidst all the muck. Sometimes he was accused for not getting the water bottles, sometimes written off for having problems with the coach. This Bengal Tiger stood the test of time and finally emerged as a winner. The events which happened latest in his career would have been devastating for any other player since the most successful captain in Indian history was not given his dues. Agreed that there are lots of youngsters in the game now and agreed that he made a few mistakes, but how can he be treated the way he was treated later in his life? The same thing happened to Sachin, but the man is getting all support to be back into the game even when he is termed “not fit” physically sometimes.

Sourav has always been given the step motherly treatment. This person I remember used to support his team members at all costs. Harbhajan Singh, Yuvraj Singh would be examples. The point I am trying to make is that he is no doubt a great player and deserves to be treated that way. He should have resigned a bit earlier considering the fact that he was not the selectors’ favorite. But he is a fighter and must have had full faith in himself. Anyways I don’t want to get into the intricacies of the selection procedure and the treatment meted out to any player.

Sourav will always be remembered in as the most successful captain India ever had and also as a fighter. Just as a Phoenix resurrects from its ashes, so will Sourav also do. But the only difference will be that he will no longer resurrect in the cricketing world as a batsman in Team India. He will no doubt do well in all his endeavors. This is only to wish him an eventful retirement period. But you never know when this person will be back with a bang… mite not be cricket… mite be something else. Till then and even afterwords, his fans will always have a special place for him in their hearts.

Tears rolling down my cheek...

Its been 2 months tht i last posted a new entry into my blog... Well, hav been so busy lately that i hardly get time for myself... and now you will ask me what is this topic that i'm gonna write about... It says "Tears rolling down my cheek..."

Well friends, Its nothing bad that has happened and still tears are flowing down my eyes rolling over my cheeks ans disappearing. Its jus one of those hectic days for me wen i feel so tired and exhausted, not able to concentrate on anything... Sriman has gone to answer his MS exams and his mom also has been travelling lately... that put the responsibility of the house on me!!!

and since i have never been entrusted with this responsibility earlier in my life, its becoming hectic for me and tiring tooo... Running around since morning and then breaking my head in office i feel i hav no energy left... and the result??? Tears rolling down my cheeks...

well friends it has always happened to me, wenever i feel exhausted, i tend to become too emotional and then cry for no reason at all... and it is happening today, tears jus flowing down my cheeks... Isnt it surprising?but now i hav curtailed them...
Mite be my mind is developed tht way... when i feel loss of positive energy, tears roll down, cleaning away all the negative energy and making me replenished as before...

I hav already started feeling the difference now... jus tht a small headache is now showing its presence in my head i guess a bit of sleep will do the trick... i wonder whatever i hav wriatten here is worth reading... some rubbish... but then this blog is jus for me to put my thots down... whatever i feel, whenever i feel...

My trip to Amboli Ghat...

Today I’m going to write about my short weekend trip to Amboli. For people who haven’t heard about this place, it’s a small hill station on the Goa Maharashtra border and a perfect place for weekend outing. I and Sriman had long been waiting for this weekend to come since it meant 3 days off (15th Aug – Friday, 16th Saturday and 17th being a Sunday) . Though we had thought of planning this trip well in advance, as usual the lazy bones in us got the better of us. We finally decided to embark on our trip after a lot of speculation and hesitation.

Since we had not planned in advance, it became difficult for us to book hotels in Amboli itself. We booked a room for us at a 3 star resort called “Konkan Crown” at Sawantwadi, a place 30 Km away from Amboli. We were informed that there are frequent busses from Goa to Sawantwadi, so we decided to take the bus (Kadamba) itself. We started from office on the 14th (Thursday) at about 5.00 pm. We missed the 5.45 bus thanks to our office location. We then could find our only last resort to be the bus at 6.30 pm from Panjim. We reached just in the nick of time to find the bus jam packed. I remember I almost stood on 1 leg for the entire journey from Goa to sawantwadi which got advanced by an hour due to the incessant rains. Finally we landed at Sawantwadi bus stand. Out designated hotel was about 7 km from the stand. So it meant another 15 min of journey by the Auto rickshaw. We reached the hotel finally at about 9.00 pm. Time for some nice soup. I freshened my self and slept while Sriman ordered the food. I had some real nice soup… soothing effect to my almost crackling bones. With excitement about the trip on the next day I slept…

The next morning was a lazy one. All the exhausted feelings about the previous day had vanquished thanks to the whole nights sleep. I got ready with the Camera and Handy cam to shoot some very exciting moments. We boarded a bus to main Sawantwadi bus stand from where we were supposed to take a bus to Amboli a journey of about half an hour. We reached Amboli amidst thick fog. The journey up into the Ghats was enchanting. So many small streams gushing down the mountains and greenery all around was the only sight we could see. We had been informed by the hotel staff that we could either hire an auto or a trax at Amboli and we thought it better to hire an auto since we were the only 2 people. The autowala said that he will show us 5 points of the total 10.

Point 1:
Beautiful gushing water interspersed with drizzling rains was what we saw when we landed at this lush green location, though I don’t remember the location name anymore. Some snaps and some video shooting followed by a meal of freshly roasted and marinated corn. Wow this place was wonderful. It was made more wonderful by the drizzling rain.

Point 2: Kavdeshad
This was the second place that we visited. This place too was characterized by gushing water everywhere and thick Fog and far off waterfalls. Fog rising against the mountain and water droplets sprinkling above due to the water going down the mountain made this place look like heaven. It looked like the places shown in mythological TV serials where Gods reside. Tourists, especially gangs of boys seemed to be too elated to be here. We could make out their excitement due to their jumping into the water streams and also due to their shouting…

Intermediate spot: Self evolved (swayambhu) Siddhivinayaka Temple.
The autowala told us about this self evolved or “Swayambhu” Siddhivinayaka temple and we could not resist from visiting it. Half submerged in water, we could see the Ganesh structure protruding from the rock. The temple in its virgin surroundings looked elegant.

Point 3: Hiranyakeshi temple
This point consists of a small temple amidst the forestry. The God idols are half submerged in water. It is said to be a man made stream with water coming from a rivulet in the mountain. The pond created in front of the temple has become a place for the tourists to have fun. The guys use it as a swimming pool or a pool to have dips in the water. Besides the temple is another big rock through which seems to be present a cave. We tried entering the cave, but it appeared too narrow and we dropped the plan since I couldn’t find any person who had actually seen the inside. It was too dark.

Point 4: Amboli waterfall
This was the best ever place I visited at Amboli. A big waterfall with so many tourists enjoying there. This spot is adjacent to the road connecting sawantwadi and Amboli and results in lots of traffic congestion due to the tourists. Steps are constructed leading to midway of the waterfall, so climbing becomes convenient, though the force of the water flow does make this convenience a bit cumbersome. You become fully drenched by the time you reach back to the bottom of the fall.

We could not visit the sunset point because of the persisting fog even at 6.00 pm. So we decided to return back to our cozy hotel and relax. We boarded a bus back to Sawantwadi and again another back to our hotel. We reached back at about 7.30 and then freshened up and slept after a nice warm but light meal. The next day I could find no reason to venture out of my cozy bed till 9.30 when we had breakfast. Time to sleep again. I finally got up at about 12.00 noon to explore the hotel and its pool. We then had food, roamed around the hotel and finally checked out at about 4.00. we had a train “Diva Madgaon Passenger express” scheduled at 5.00. The hotel was about half a km from the railway station. Our train got delayed by 2 hours. We spent these 2 hours just chatting at the railway station. It took us just about an hour to reach back home.

This trip was a long pending one for us. We enjoyed each and every moment here. The lessons I learnt from this trip was… Always use the train to go to Amboli, it is convenient and fast. Considering the bus journey which was tiring and long, the train journey was very pleasant but short. Also, book your hotels appropriately, lest you have to select a place far away from the main location of your picnic. Also, its always convenient to have your own modes of travel, either a private taxi or auto or car… and last but not the least, always equip your trip with a Camera and handy cam and burn a CD of your photos/videos so that you can capture those beautiful moments and watch them later…

This trip was really enjoyable to both of us… I would like to thank Sriman for making this possible and memorable. Hope to have more such trips soon. Well, I have already decided upon the place, now I need to make a plan and gather some real adventurous gang to go to “Netravali” my next destination…

Guide to Happiness(??)

Today I felt like writing philosophy… don’t know whether thoughts coming to me at this time are right or wrong… but its just tht I felt like penning down these thoughts which occurred to me while traveling in my Office bus. Ever wondered at times why we feel so content, but at times we feel so insecure… so incomplete??? Well Philosophy is definitely not my cup of tea… but then wat I believe is tht every person has a philosopher hidden within oneself… He has his own abstract ways of interpreting things he deems favorable to himself or the way he leads his life... and I am no exception to the rule…

I have been following Bhagwad Gita as and when possible for me to do so. The gist of it lays in the verse “Karmanye vaadikarastu Maa faleshu kadachan…” in short, do not expect the fruits of your hard work. Well do not expect anything in lieu of anything!!! Just do what you feel is your duty without expecting the fruits in return. We think of our relationships as give and take relationships… We love a person, we expect the other person to love us. We care for a person, we expect the same kind of love from the other side… We make friends and are friendly to others, we expect the same friendship from others… We trust others and expect others to trust us… Well so many expectations… We expect things to turn out the way we want them to be… We expect all things to suit only our needs…

What harm does “expecting something” do to us? Well, ever imagined what happens when things don’t turn out the way we want them to be? Disappointment is wat which sets into life as an aftereffect… Disappointments leads to sour moods… hampers our relationships with other people, we tend to feel tht we have no other goal left in life… and in some people this can lead to suicidal tendencies… so how can we let ourselves come out of these “at times difficult” situation??? What I would suggest is tht do not expect anything… Just lead life the way it comes to you… Shower love, care, friendship, trust on whoever you feel like… but don’t ever expect any such thing in return… If you get such things by the Grace of God, consider yourself lucky, but don’t expect it to sustain for quite a long time becoz things do change…

Adding a personal touch, Me as a person used to expect lot many things from other people… there hav been times when I expected people to respond I a particular way and when they failed to do so I got disappointed. There have been times when I expect things to be the way I want them, but lost my peace of mind when it turned out the other way round… so what lesson I have learnt from all this is tht, Do not expect any favourable situation. In fact, always expect the worst…

In case you expect the worse, and suppose things turn out just fine, you have a reason to smile, but if they don’t, atleast you wont be disappointed since you aleady had anticipated such a situation. So I keep on telling myself to not expect anything.

Putting it a bit jocularly, I hav seen a mail forward in my inbox which said, “Girls marry a guy thinking that he will change, and guys marry a girl thinking that she wont, but both are disappointed after marriage”. So you see, if you don’t expect a rosy future, there is no scope for you to be disappointed since you dint expect anything. I hav friends telling me to “be positive” whn I start thinking of unfavorable situations. Could be by intuition, but I hav experienced tht wen I expect the unexpected, I tend to take things a bit lightly if they happen to be negative. It could be my mind’s way of evading situations I feel insecure about, but definitely it has helped me a lot.

I normally expect people to behave the way I want them to be, I expect people not to change the way they are… and figuratively, why should they change? I mean I don’t understand why people change… mite be due to age, we don’t normally have the same emotions we used to hav 10 years back.. the whole point tht I want to make is… People do change and its natural for us to change… but it becomes difficult for us to digest this fact sometimes… The same person we used to call as “best friend” in school and the same person now… not even a friend… I am emotionless… am I? hav I changed? Has my friend changed?? What is it tht has changed?? I hav no answer to this except to accept tht time has changed and we no longer feel like sharing the same old bond now as we used to do earlier… well… and how far is it right for me to expect the same friendship?? So don’t expect the other person not to change with time…

Another perspective I would like to highlight is the life partner incident which I hav already referred to jocularly earlier… Guys normally to impress girls do things which in normal scenarios they wouldn’t do… get them gifts, give their perspectives more importance than their own… this is done with the sole purpose of impressing the girl… but then wat happens wen the girl is impressed and they are married. Guys find no reason or need to impress the same girl now as they hav already achieved their target… getting the girl. But then wat happens to the girl? She having got used to all this antics of the guy expects more and more from him… but since the guy is satiated, the girl lends up in disappointment… Had she not expected anything, she would be lot happier… and the same thing mite apply the other way round to (n.b. I am not a feminist).

Everytime I decide to expect less, I end up expecting something or the other from someone or the other. However I tell my mind to do it every time I feel hurt and rejected, I end up expecting… how can I breach this mindset of mine??? Wat I feel is I should make a sustained effort to accomplish this task. Every time I should remind myself to expect less…I sometimes wonder why God has made this world such a complex thing to live in? Why cant we all stay together in peace and harmony??? Why should there be heartbreaks? Why should there be breach of trusts??? Why do humans have emotions and guilt feelings??? People say tht challenges make a man stronger… but wats the need of being stronger when therez no need?? If everyone was same, had no feelings, could live just for the sake of living, wouldn’t it be beneficial to all??? But God has definitely an answer to these questions of mine… but I still ask Why???

My Transition from Hyderabad to Goa

My Transition from Hyderabad to Goa…

Friends… Today m back again with yet another blog. This time I’l write about my transition experience from Hyderabad to Goa… Though it had become very difficult for me to leave Hyderabad and be back to my home Goa, I had already made up my mind for the change. I had planned in my journey in advance. I was supposed to take the train to Goa from Hyderabad’s Kacheyguda station on 27th June 2008, 9.00 pm. I would reach Goa on the 28th June 2008 at about 2.30 pm. Was supposed to take rest on 29th and prepare for my encounter with the new job and its formalities. I was supposed to join duty on the 30th of June… had a pre planned timetable in mind of things to do right from the time I boarded the bus to the time I would enter the new company premises… but I didn’t know at tht time what ordeals lay ahead for me… turn of events leading to surprise situations I was least prepared for. Wel.. il start writing about my experiences from the time Sriman came to Hyderabad…

25th June… It was my last day at CA… felt very bad. I had to wind up with all the formalities of resignation with the company; I had to collect all the things which I had used and cluttered my desk and pedestal for 2 years at CA;I had to write a “last day” mail to my friends… had to take backups of personal mails… Meet all friends whom I wouldn’t meet again sooner… well lots of work to do… but I could finish everything by the stipulated 7.00pm deadline tht I had set for myself, as Sriman was supposed to be at my flat at about 8.00 pm tht evening. I left the company premises with all my belongings, meeting few people and with a plan to come back after a day to show the campus to Sriman and bid adieu to alll. I reached home at about 8.00 pm; the exact time when Sriman had reached the flat. We got ready and again left for the place: Celebrations… the place I was supposed to give a treat to my lunch group.

The treat was cool… I could take some video clips as remembrance of the place I loved so much… The next day plan was hectic. I had to send 2 of my luggage bags to Goa using the bus to goa service. So next day me and Sriman both went to the Nampally office and did the needful. We had lunch in a “not so cool.. but a cool” place… and then we dashed off to the MMTS station. First time in my life I traveled without a ticket… not because I dint want to buy, but because the train was almost leaving, and If I had waited in the long queue, it would mean a flop show of my plans. Ok… we then came back to Begumpet and headed for lifestyle. Sriman bought couple of cool clothes there. Again I had to hurry and rush back coz we had to give another long pending treat. This time it was for my ex roomies with whom I had spent about 1.5 years. It was a gr8 get together. And this time it was just not roomies, but with their spouses… a party we never had had before… Shalini and her fiancée Santosh, Sandhya and Mahender, Swetha and Srikiran, ME and Sriman, and paddu with Bahula. The evening ended eventfully.

I was supposed to take Sriman to CA to show the campus and also to bid final goodbye to my friends. We finished packing all our stuff and could reach CA only by 1.00 pm. We had lunch along with Rajesh, had a tour of the campus… believe me, it felt so odd there tht day… I used to roam with authorized ID card, and there I was roaming with visitor card. I met all my friends and bid adieu to all of them. Finally came to Breakout area… my last coffee with my lunch group there… Rashmi finally dropped us back to the Allwyn junction. I was feeling really bad… but there was nothing I could do. I was getting the feeling tht I was seeing all those things.. those roads for the last time… back home I finished with the last packing. I handed over the keys to the house owner. I had asked for a cab from the local cab service company. The cab was scheduled for 6.00 pm to Kacheyguda. We reached home at about 5.15 with just 45 mins for the cab to arrive. My lunch group had a train to tirupati at 8.00pm so I was certain of meeting them at the station… Finally we got into our cab, but due to the incessant rains in Hyderabad tht day, all the roads were congested with traffic. So the train to Tirupati left when I was half way through. We reached the station at 8.30, hired a coolie to carry the heavy bags. But by the time we reached the platform we heard an announcement, “The bogies to Vasco are cancelled”. All the hell broke loose on me that time. We were stranded at the platform on a remote station with 8 bags and no mode of transport in sight and at tht point of time at night. Sriman went to the station to enquire about the cancellation and I was left alone… Here started my ordeals…

I was talking to my lunch group who was in the train and also to my mom about the course of action to be taken in tht situation wen I started getting call waiting from Suresh. And I was more than happy when he said tht he was at the station to see me off tht time… thanked God for sending an extra person to help… We hired a coolie again and came outside the station when Sriman went to get the ticket cancelled. We decided to stay in a hotel closeby to the station and go by bus to Goa the next day… I waited with Suresh outside the station praying to God to help me out in this difficult situation. I just happened to pray… lo and behold! There arrived a cab who agreed to drop us at Nampally (about 10 km from the current station) . I then planned to go there since the bus to Goa also originated from there. We asked the driver to drop us to a decent hotel close to the Nampally railway station. The driver took us to a lodge which I could consider as “not suitable to stay”. But finding no other option, we thought of staying there for the night. We ordered for food at 10.30 pm and it got delivered at 12.00 midnite… We then decided not to go by bus the next day as me and Sriman both get nauseated due to such a long bus journey… kindof a “longbusjourneyphobia”…We decided to book a flight ticket. Immediately we called up Suresh and asked him to check the ticket price… it came upto 16K and we finally decided to stay at Hyderabad the next day too and then leave for Goa on 29th due to the cheaper flight ticket since I was to join my new company on 30th. I decided to show some places around to Sriman. That morning we went to a nearby hotel for breakfast and also to send our bags by bus to Goa… we came across a hotel close by which was much decent, clean and had appropriate service for t he same cost we paid at the hotel the previous night… we decided to shift to this one immediately for 1 day that we would be at Hyderabad… and there we shifted to this hotel “Rajmaata”. We also sent out 4 of our bags by bus and got relieved when finally Sriman could get the air tickets to Goa on phone.

We took some rest at the hotel in the afternoon and then set towards “Eat street” by MMTS. Dhiru had promised to join us there and also Suresh had promised us a parting farewell teat… Me and Sriman reached about half n hour early and I could eat my favourite “Amor” icecream… I wanted Sriman to hav it earlier… but could not do so due to time constraint… it rained heavily then, but we were still joined by dhiru, his roomie and Suresh. We finally had dinner at “Waterfront Restaurant”. And set out to the hotel by MMTS. We had to leave our hotel at 9.30 am on 29th to go to Begumpet where we had a shuttle to the airport. Our flight was supposed to be at 3.30 pm. Finally with all apprehensions about the flight getting delayed which I had in my mind or for tht matter even cancelled, I boarded the flight and reached Goa at the destined arrival time. There ended my ordeal… huh… wat a sigh of relief…

So that was another of my experience with life’s ordeals… sometimes you never know what lay ahead for us… but being prepared for such kinda situations and to take correct steps to land you out of trouble is wat is important in life. This was an incident I wouldn’t forget since it made me more strong to overcome such incidents… Now when I look back and remember tht time wen I was stranded on the platform, I recollect how I had prayed earnestly and how I felt God had sent help in the form of people known or unknown when asked for… So I end this blog with the belief in God and belief in self emphasized in my mind… wish I will be able to come out of life’s more complex problems when need be…

Sweet Memories - My Lunch Team @ CA

Well well... here I come again with some more sweet memories from CA... My Lunch group @ CA.

My Lunch Group




My birthday snap(13 feb 2008)


Where do i begin??? I was a fresher at tht time at CA and also amongst the first few people who had been allotted to the newly built team under Dhananjay. We as a team actually consisted of 2 teams we(Agent UI - 7 members) and BO Reporting(14 members). and the lunch teams used to be mixture of people from both the teams.

I had a lunch group of mine with whom i used to go for lunch... This group comprised of Me, Vamsee, Rajesh and Sudheendra. used to be fun to be wid... Later with additions to the entire team, we were joined by Prateep, Rajeev and Srinivas. Somehow the first person to leave the group was Sudheendra(God knows why) and then I too started feeling bored... I had already made friends with Sabita tht time and she had a group of her own. she asked me to join with her there and so it all started...what came after tht was just pure fun n peels of lafter...

We (Me, Sabita, Rashmi, Rohit, Deepak)
If you come to CA anytime n hear people laffing and cracking all(veg/nonveg) kinds of jokes, you could hav probably bumped into my group. thts how we are... Everything you say and every action you do will initiate an equal and opposite reaction... and in our case it will be double meaning reactions. All of us hav become corrupt minds... can go to any extent on thinking corrupt (i hope u know wat i mean by tht!!) Now that I have decided to join another organisation after marriage, it becomes very difficult for me to part with these people.... cool... let me go about n describe each one...

Rohit - "Shaitan ka doosra roop" (soon leaving the group too!!!)
Most of the jokes originate from this devil mind. He is an artless guy you know... what he does is just ignite the spark... and the dirty minds tht we are we catch the fire... its needs lots of caution while speaking if this devil is around. He catches you on words that you utter and there starts the post mortem of your statements...
Irritates Sabita to an extent she can bear no more, but she cant do anything about it... poor thing. struggles hard against him but to no use...
He knows eveything about Hyderabad... he can guide you home from any corner of hyderabad that you be in.

Deepak - "Shaitan no 2" (Chimpu or Chimpanzee aka cockroach aka taklu/takla)
Ask him to say "important" and what comes out of his mouth totally changes the meaning of tht... i hope u understood...and we crack all sorts of jokes on him. speaks hindi in his own funny style... changes the gender of things!!! Its hard to fight against him... one punch from him and whoever it is will "Ud jayega". till now he has made Me, Rashmi, Sabita fly (not literally though). It sounds very funny when he says that. and what do i say about his devilish laff?? he has too types of laffter according to him, the first one when he laffs if something is funny... (hhaahaaa haahaa in a peculiar tone) and the second one... it seems he laffs with his mouth open but with no sound... i wonder how he does that... never seen him though... and yes it seems every day he changes forms... so sometimes he is a cockroach, a girl even .... i dont know wat to say!!
I can say he is a daring and helping guy. who will actually get out of a cozy car nowadays to just have a fight with some guy on road to save an autodriver from being flogged? After a party wen you reach home, you will definitely get a call from this guy enquiring whether you have reached safe or not!!!
well tht speaks about this guy.

Rashmi - Shaitan no 3
She is one girl(lady would be more appropriate) i found to be very frank and daring. "Kamini" would be a good statement and it would be a compliment to her. Her brain interpretes double meanings so very fast... and her power of imagination is vast too... a very good person at heart she has aesthetic tastes... She can be compared to Rohit when it comes to understanding things(rather comprehend double meanings)... She is one of the no nonsense person(really???). can take jokes upto a limit... but when she finds it going above a certain limit she will say a blatant "shut your...."

Sabita - Chudail aka Chammo aka Chamiya
you can call Sabita the sweetest of all in the group. If i was at her place, i would hav long broken ties with Rohit(not literally) with the respect to the amount of tricks he plays on her. All his mischiefs are directed towards her. I find her helplessly helpless against Rohit. I wonder from where she gets the patience to tolerate all his pranks.

finally Me aka Munni
well what can i say about myself... I am a very nice girl you see... very innocent... I dont even know the "d" of "double meaning" ok ok enuff of modesty... well i also fall into the same category "shaitan" else you think i would hav been eligible to rite this blog??? well...

further on...
ok ok.. so i have described each one elaborately... It was really fun and pure fun tht i encountered being with this group... Now tht i no longer will be with these people i wonder how life will be without this group. i wonder if i will ever be able to get a group like this... the fun we had here.. the cofee breaks... the weekend lunches and dinners... the treats... everything will remain as a sweet memory into my memory lane... Now Rashmi and me have settled down... and soon it will be time for the others too to do so... wherever we be, we will always hav these jokes in mind that we cracked...

Thanks friends for giving me such a wonderful time...

My Life Partner - Sriman

My life partner... Today i will devote this post of mine solely to this most wonderful guy in my life... Sriman: My soulmate, my friend for life.

I was a collegian, 3rd year student at the Goa Engineering College, Goa. He had come as a contract faculty in our college. I could never make up my mind to take him as my "sir". How much i disliked (hated would mean too harsh!!) this person at tht time. He seemed to be too strict, just like a school teacher. We at our college were used to lectures who used to be too friendly with Students. They were just about our age, our seniors in college who once upon a time had ragged us as juniors. and Sriman, though was just of their age, looked like an old school teacher (the "you should do your homework" kind of a teacher). and which college going student would like that kinda prof?? and tht was exactly the reason i disliked him so much... a nerd could be more appropriate term... well... let me go on...

So that was our first encounter. My final year project was supposed to extend 2 semesters or the full final year. Sriman used to teach us Microprocessors for the sixth sem. and I remember he used to ask questions in class, and we being not prepared used to just keep standing(another punishment!! huh). Eventually I cleared my third year. I found him to be a gud guide wen i used to go to him with difficulties since he was a MP prof and my project consisted of work on the Micro controller. so there began my stint with Sriman. Every single doubt and he used to be the person i used to run to for help. He had become a close associate, a friend rather than a lecturer. He taught us for some 3 months before he got a job in the most reputed software company in Goa.

Even though he had left, i still used to ask him doubts about the project through mails or phone. and he used to be prompt to reply. this continued for about an year and we became close friends... I found it easy for me to discuss personal problems of mine with him and he would give me solutions too... I finished with my college and went to Pune for further studies... Sriman had become a very gud friend till then.

Its not tht i never thot about him as a life partner. I mean wat does a girl look for in her life partner... a gud established person, a well educated family background and a close friend ... and I could find all in him. So sometimes I would think about him and ask myself if he was a fit to all these criteria that i had set for myself and a couple of more; but but but... wenever i asked Sriman about his life partner, i would always get a vague kinda answer... high expectations kinda... made me feel tht it was not supposed to be... we were not made for each other... though my friends kept on teasing me with his name, i would rather brush it aside saying "we r just gud friends and will continue to remain so"... though at tht time i felt nice myself... but knowing Sriman's criteria, i made it so fix in my mind tht we r nothing but just very gud friends, I hardly thot about it later.

I just had it in my mind tht some day my mom would find a guy for me whom Il hav to marry after a couple of meetings. always wondered how it would be and how i would cope up with tht guy... but yes, definitely had dreams about my life with Sriman sometimes... though thot it wat not to be... Sriman in turn never made me feel if he had any feelings towards me or not. so life went on... Back at Pune, Rohan became a very close friend of mine. I could rely upon him in times of despair. such a pure relationship difficult to find... and soon i started thinking of Sriman as a close friend rather than a life partner. I would always say: "I have 2 close friends i can trust with eyes blinded, Rohan and Sriman".

I hardly remember meeting Sriman 4-5 times after college. once i remember he had come to college following his new job offer. second was at our college annual function(Happenings). third time was for an interview I had at his company just after college(though I could not get through). Sriman had once come told me tht he wil b visiting Pune to meet his friends there, since he was a student once upon a time at Pune.(Later I came to know tht it was just to meet me tht he had come there), he had met my friends there (and later he also told me tht he wanted to propose to me but could not muster the courage to do so!! Oh wat a coward... my reaction later...). Fifth time I met him was at CCD Panajim(somewhere in October 2006) wen i had called up my friends for a treat after getting a job at CA Hyderabad. None of them could turn up due to some reason except for Sriman. (Later he told me he had come to propose to me there also, but fearing a tight slap right in the middle of CCD he dared not to do it... again ...such a piece of cowardice). Those were his trials at proposing.

Once back to Hyderabad, life became normal again, but not for him, for me neither. My mom told me to click snaps for marriage bureau registration. I was prety cool about it, but this things stirred a storm within Sriman... as told by him. We had a prety heated discussion on the night of 18th november 2006 about Life partners. The topic was, how could you stay happy with a person whom you did not know properly. How can you marry a person by judging his behaviour in a couple of meetings. and my answer to tht was... "Just the way my parents are... they did not know each other well before marriage... but r very happy with each other." With this answer Sriman told me tht I will think about it n come up with an answer the next day.

I got a call from Sriman on 19th Nov 2006 at about 10.00 in the night. "again a stage set for a big discussion..." was my reaction. We spoke a couple of things which i now dont remember. but i remember he asking me "If you dont hav a problem and your parents too dont hav a problem, will you marry me??" and i was stone stunned. I dint know wat to react. never expected from Sriman whom i had considered to be my best friend. Can these things happen between friends?? How could he?? dint he think about our friendship before asking so?? those were the thousand and ten questions erupting through my brain tht time... only think i can remember is me saying, "Sriman I need to keep the phone down. I dont know wat to say". and he saying, "Ok, think about it and let me know".

My next reaction was immediately to call up Rohan, the only person i thot who could take me out of this deep emotional plunge. The reaction coming from the other side was nothing but peels of laughter. I guess he knowing so much about me had anticipated such a thing from Sriman, just like how my other friends had had... But later he convinced me tht it will b the best of a union if the partners are best friends first and life partners later. said tht I was amongst the lucky few who get best friends as life partners. and who could convice me better than Rohan. I thot of giving this relation a try and spoke to my parents...

The initial struggle with Love marriage... Parents opposing... it took about a year and a quarter for me to convince my parents... from November 2006 to Feb 2008. We hardly met after that. watever we spoke was just on phone, and let me tel you, i literally fel in love with this guy on phone. Never thot tht such a person, a nerd, a pain in the *** tht i thot of him during college days, would actually be such a wonderful guy. I remember sometimes during heated discussions on yahoo i used to tell him... "your wife will run away from you on the 3rd day of marriage itself... and i also remember sriman telling me after marriage, "its the third day of marriage and u r still der with me!!!

My marriage date was fixed on the 21st of April. everythin went well... and now here I am... happy with this guy... this guy, my life partner...
How do i find Sriman as??? an innocent kid... thts da only thing which comes to my mind wen i see him. He needs to be taken care of... argues illogically... with no points to defend himself he sometimes gives vague arguments. Wenever i am angry, he does the "uthak baithak" jus like how a kid does wen caught doing something wrong...
Loves me dearly... sometimes wonder wat will be his state incase something untoward happens to me.. touchwood...

Doesnt know even to put on the gas forget making tea for himself... wen jokingly i used to ask him what will we eat... we both dont know to cook anything... his answer "il try making maggie" and me bursting ou laffing.... "or else wel go out n eat everyday... he continuing... such is his kiddish behaviour...

He finds happiness in small things of life... I cant say he is of the ambitious lot, but definitely he requires a push to do things... until n unless u push him to do things, he will sit there lazily... typically a spoon fed brat(???). He wants people to appreciate evry single thing tht he does... even for a simple thing tht he considers is gr8, his voice changes... with the addition of the childlike laugh as if he has accomplished something really big...

Me being a person of the "difficult type" to handle, it becomes really cute wen he tries to pacify me wen i get real angry... and just to see tht expression of his i tend to feign anger... and then i see tht "Im sorry for whoever's mistake it is" kinda expresion on his face. So very innocent...

I can easily classify him as a typical "mama's boy". Born with a silver spoon in his mouth, he hasn't seen wat can be called as "struggle" in life... "Struggle" for him is jus the efforts he put to study during his scholastic days!!! and i reprimand him for the same reason...


"Buddhu" tht i call him... looks so confused wen dealing with me... had heard tht women are complex and men find it difficult to understand wat they really want... and here I m ... having a perfect example of the same... It becomes difficult for him to apprehend my moods. Me becoming happy for a reason on one day and getting angry for the same reason the next day... A person appearing so very strong from outside but so timid from inside.

I just want to make things all beautiful and perfect for him. Want him to be happy forever... May his innocence stay for eternity... All his mistakes, all his kiddish behaviour... I just love it all... but wen it comes to taking care of me, I find him no match...
such is this sweetheart of mine... I have started discovering him more than before and everytime I fall in love with him more than before... I love you Sriman for whoever you are... however you are... U R D BEST THING THT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!

Sweet Memories - My Marriage(21st april'08)

It is said that Marriage is a sweet union which not only binds 2 people in a bond tht lasts for eternity, but it also binds 2 families. At some point of time in Life, we all feel the need of a person who is called our life partner. A person, who not only understands you, but also shares his life with you... Marriage is the institution where we take vows to live for each other and die for each other... Marriage makes us forget about "I" and makes it "We".

Here it goes, my marriage description... in my own words...
My Marriage



Our Invitations:




My Parent's Invitation:




Sriman's Parent's Invitations:






My marriage to Sriman was finally fixed after a lot of storm and in a hurry...
I took 3 weeks off during my marriage that's about 1 week before marriage and 2 weeks after marriage. My marriage was to be solemnized on the 21st of April' 08(Monday). After lots of shopping, I started from Hyderabad on the 17th of April by train. It takes about 17-18 hours by train from Hyderabad to Goa. I always traveled from Hyderabad to Goa by flight, but somehow my mom told me to take the train might be due to some superstitious beliefs(???). Well i reached home on the 18th, that's just 2 days before my Haldi ritual. A sudden change of weather and i was a bit down with fever, but luckily i recovered in just 1 day...

The marriage house was full of guests... Everywhere festivities... My friends from Hyderabad: Sabita, Rajesh, Prateep, Mani, Monica, and Suresh and Rohan from Bangalore had already flown down to Goa.

After Rituals just before Haldi Application:


My Mehendi:


Me Leaving Home in tears:


So, on 20th morning My Haldi rituals started, till afternoon it was various rituals for me. After the haldi special lunch, it was time for guests to visit and extend their blessings. All my relatives and parent's friends dropped in to pay a visit before the marriage and give blessings.

Families:

The Families are exchanged.. hihi. On the right are sriman's parents, Sister and brother in law. On the left hand side close to Sriman are my parents and Bro... Love ya all... :)

My Friends:

They made my day... Thanks all of you'l for being there. and thanks to all those too who tried their level best to come, but couldn't do so due to last minute hassles.

My marriage was scheduled at 12.20 pm the next day... All the rituals went on well... everything went on as planned...

The time to depart was very very sad... I still get goose pimples when i remember those times. My Mom knew i would cry badly, so she just hugged me this once and ran to the dressing Room, leaving me with just dad, bro and relatives to console. I recollect crying even after reaching Sriman's home :)

The Reception:

The reception was scheduled to be on the 23rd April 2008 at Hotel Missel, Ribandar. It was planned very nicely with all the close relatives and friends. The food was good, the orchestra was excellent, the ambience beautiful on the bank of the Mandovi and the fire crackers too were good.

So Me and Sriman are now Married to each other and accepted each other the way we are. It sounds so Good now... May i take this opportunity to thank our Parents, siblings, Friends, Relatives, Well wishers and all those people working behind the scenes who made this occasion a truly memorable for me...
And last but not the least, I Thank God for bestowing a blessed husband as nice as Sriman to me...

Today I resigned from CA India... 5th June' 08

Hi... m back here with some news on my side. I resigned from CA India today. Its almost 2 years now since i joined CA on the 14th of June 2006. I cant really write about the emotional turmoil tht i went thru today, never expected things to turn the way they did... I really feel bad for the sinple reason tht its my first company and my first job...

Now... how did all this happen?? I had not decided to leave Hyderabad and CA after marriage... had thought tht my hubby will leave his company n come here for better prospects... Goa being a small state and not much into IT, the prospects of a gud job lie in the lone company in which he currently is working for. Sometimes back about a week or 2 his company had come for a recruitment drive here at Hyderabad, and I attended it just for fun sake and happened to get through.

hmmm... Home calling??? i got tempted to go home... a job which i can call as decent in hand, plus all the home food, people, Goa.. everything started to tempt me... and i decided to resign from CA. immediately tendered my resignation after thinking for some time... but but but... My manager dint accept it :( .infact he offered to set up an interview with my hubby here at hyderabad for CA. My manager... I always admired him for his managerial skills... I would say he is a manager in the true sense, he knows how to manage things and the best part is he knows how to manage people: a typical people manager. He has solutions to all the problems which employee faces.

My husband did get thru the interview. But with all the tempt tht i had been undergoing and all so because i will be able to visit my parents as and when i want to, started making me confused. Should I take the offer n go to Goa or should he come to Hyderabad??? of course we had some other plans in place also... but finally wat was decided was tht i will take up the offer at Goa and resign from CA...

CA... the first company i got employed into... directly from college... In these 2 yrs i hav been at Hyderabad and at CA, i really got so attached to this place... I just dint have the heart to click on the "send" button of the resignation mail tht i rote to my manager. and how could I... my manager had tried so much for me to be here...

I had made so many friends here... I had made this my second home... I have so many memories associated here...2 years of my life... about 8 percent of my current lifetime... dont u think so 2 yrs r too many to be associated to and to be attached to??? so many friends, every single place having a sweet memory associated with me...

The work environs I got used to here, so free... no tension kinda environment... nothing is a compulsion here... employees are given due freedom for everything and every employee counted as a valuable asset... I still hav apprehension about the company i will b joining... How will the environs be?? Will it hav the same effect on me as CA did?? Will it be comparable to wat CA is??

I had never thought tht leaving CA will be so difficult... The day after i made the final decision to leave CA, it would mean leaving Hyderabad too... I would miss the crowd here, i would miss the shared autoes, the movie theatres, the shopping malls n the eateries... and above all I would miss CA... can u imagine??

Never in my life had i hesitated so much to use the "send" button of my mail application tht i did today. I could just not think about anything... I was feeling like a lost identity, like a bird whose both the wings had been caught in the blades of a fan... I really felt bad... I could recollect all the memories as fresh as ever... right from the time I landed at hyderabad, joined CA and the stay at the CA guest house... my roomies who later became my very gud friends... my team... my team change... Orion, ascendas and the shift to the new campus... the friends I made here.. the coffee breaks and the jokes and my lunch team... the cafe... breakout area... pantry... the few functions held at CA... everything i could recollect with a heavy heart...

Now with apprehensions about the new company and with a heavy heart, I am counting my final days at Hyderabad and at CA... it will be soon tht i will bid gudbye to everyone here and to everything... but the time I had and the memories will always remain with me forever... I will soon rite about my experience of the last day at office and at Hyderabad...I will miss you CA and Hyderabad too... These were one of the few 2 most happening years of my life...

My mother..... no words to describe her...

My mother.... what should i say about her???



My mother, the first essay topic i remember i wrote in school... but did we really understand the importance of this Godly figure we have? Did we ever think tht if it was not for her, we would not hav seen the light of this day?? did we realise tht we r nothing without her?? did we ever realise how much she loves us cares for us... did we realise how much she protects us??

Frankly speaking, I dint... but then i regret it so much... i regret every little thing tht i did which caused her enormous pain... Even as a child i remember being very fussy over food... with fish being my favorite food, i would not eat my food and leave my plate untouched if i dint see fish in it... even though it used to be days wen we were supposed to eat veggy i used to make such a big fuss.. n now... being away from home for so many years i just yearn for tht home food... wid just tht mom's hands taste whether be it veg food or non veg... i really yearn for tht...

I m very choosy when it comes to picking up my dresses... I remember several times my mom bought clothes for me, and since i dint like them very much, i just made her return them back to the shop and get it exchanged for the one i liked... but now how much i yearn for mom selecting a dress for me, whether i like it or not, i make it a point to buy the one my mom chooses for me, for the simple reason tht she has a right to see tht her daughter wears wat she feels will look gud on her.

coming from a middle class family, which i could call as an upper middle class, i dint realise tht there could be financial problems... I would just nag her for things and even though it would mean disturbing her monthly budget, she would somehow adjust to give me the things i desired. Now wen i just tell her tht im sometimes short of money, i become speechless wen she asks me... "did you realise how difficult it would have been for me to adjust budget wen u were so demanding for things...???"

Balancing home and work i wonder how those fragile shoulders would hav had time for herself... I wonder how she would hav shouldered responsibility of 2 lil kids... might be tht, God has given so much strength to those shoulders....

I used to be from the kind who are argumentative lot... i remember arguing with my mom for silly reasons... I dint realise tht time tht, if she had said "no" for something... it was just out of concern for me... It so happened tht i used to act sulky and keep my food untouched, least knowing tht i would only be hurting myself by not eating... but my mom roaming around me and saying sorry, just becoz i should eat my food, even though it wouldn't be her fault...

As a child, i remember my mom applying oil to my hair... and i used to dread tht slimy oily kinda look... i used to run away... and my mom used to run behind me with tht oil bottle... I now sometimes wish tht if my mom would be here, it would be such a nice feeling to hav her fingers run through my hair wen i hav those splitting headaches...

She tries to do all tht stuff tht wil keep tht smile on my face... If she seez me absorbed in thoughts, shez worried.. if she seez me happy... her face glows in happiness...
I see her cry silently wen i say things she doesn't like... i see her care for me and spend sleepless nights wen i hav tht risen body temperature... I see her cook the best of meals to satiate my tastebuds... I see her do all household chores just so tht i dont hav to get myself involved wid tht n tht i study... I saw her striving day and night just to give me the best of everything...

Now tht i stay a bit far from home, it dreads me so much wen i come to know tht she is unwell... I know until n unless shez forced to do it, she will never take her tablets on time... even though she has a rising temperature, she will not take rest, but just do things normally as if she is very healthy... How much i feel i should have been at home those times wen she was unwell... how much i miss taking care of her, just the way she would take care of me...

I just want to commit myself here, i want to do all those things tht will make my mom happy... I would do any possible thing just to see tht satisfied kinda smile of hers... I wish i could give her all those things tht she was deprived of, just becoz she thought tht her children needed things, and their needs were important rather than her's.

If only i had listened to her and done things the way she experienced life, i would twice as successful... Now i know tht her wisdom acquired with age is enormous... I wish God will keep on blessing me in the form of my mom so tht every step i go rong, i hav someone who can reprimand me, and wen i take the correct step, i hav someone to give tht warm pat on my shoulders...

Staying far away from my mom, I yearn now for those hands which used to caress me as a child... I yearn for tht lap in which i used to find solace... I yearn for tht food ... I yearn for all tht love and care...

I know your eyes must hav moistened while reading this... if at all you feel so... just make a call at home and enquire specially about your mom... I kow she will be most happy... and if you stay wid your mom, jus spend at least half n hour with her daily... and see her wrinkled face delighted... just saying so coz i couldnt spend tht half n hour daily... and i know how delighted my mom becomes.. wen she just has tht half n hour wid me, wen i go home...

In my earlier blog, I had mentioned about God's angels... Parents... sometimes in life now we will be parents too... and i know my mom will help me to raise my children with the most righteous attitude... I know tht the circle of life continues... and there .... another mother will be born, with the same concern for her kids... the way my mother showed concerns towards me...

Baabul ka Aangan....

Thoughts edited 15 days before my marriage:
Does the topic seem to be some kinda Hindi daily soap title? unfortunately it is not... I am going to express feelings here which only a girl does experience... when?? wen its time for her to get married. I am on the verge today of exchanging marriage vows with a person who will be called my life partner, but the turmoils going on in my mind can anybody feel it?? except for me myself?? so i thot of using this blog as a medium to give vent to the feelings deep inside me and bring the real me outside, a daughter.

Its really hard to be a daughter... Did i just say tht?? well i had heard my mom saying wen i was a kid tht "A daughter is a huge responsibility". Little did i know the pain and hardships tht parents face to raise a daughter. I used to always wonder why my mom talked tht way... I mean wat was the difference, a girl or a guy.. arent they same?? Hasn't our society accepted girls as well as boys to be equal?? then why did i hear my mom say tht???

I will be married off in another 15 days, and to tell you the truth, m really feeling very insecure at this time. Imagine a girl, who was raised to be a pet of her parents, a cynosure of her parent's eyes...who never shouldered life's responsibilities, was always protected and now... she is told to shoulder responsibilities which she can consider to be huge on her tiny shoulders.

25 years of my life... I dont remember when i uttered the first word as a kid neither do i remember my first step taken as i started to walk, only i can remember is the warmth and care tht my parents bestowed upon me in every walk of my life. I can only remember the fights I had with my younger brother and the mending up again.
and here I am ... stepping into a new world in just another 15 days... How will life be there? how will his parents be and how will they treat me? Though mine would be a love marriage, still i could find myself asking all these question and feeling insecure

Thoughts edited 1 day before my marriage:
Me sitting with my brother and suddenly bursting out crying.He consoling me saying that "you are the person who makes people cry... it doesnt suit wen u yourself cry..." and i start crying more than before... well I felt so nostalgic at that moment. Everyone at home were preparing for my marriage which was supposed to be solemnised on the next day, and i was busy crying. A girl having spent 24 years of her life at her home, suddenly the home no longer remains her's. The rooms she has been so used to being in suddenly become alien to her. All the memories associated with all the things in the house as well as the surroundings... how is it possible for her to just leave back n accept a totally new household as her own?

Thoughts edited on d day of my marriage:
Well my marriage day dawned and everyone seemed so busy. The marriage ceremony went on as planned. People seemed 2 be happy and I too was enjoying all the rituals. Everything seemed Ok till it was time for me to leave to my husband's house.
All the while throughout the ceremony i didn't get time to think about anything, but then at the time of my departing to the so called "my house" i could not control myself.
My mom knew very well that this time will be difficult for me if she stayed there, and even before me realising wat was happening, she just hugged me this once and ran aside leaving me alone there. My dad was with me and i was clinging to him so tight. I was feeling like a child from whom its most dear toy has been flung far far away...
All my immediate family members pulled me away from my father till i was no longer clinging to him... but i continued to turn my head to see if i could get a glimpse of my mom n father. such was my condition tht i felt i had been the last person to be left alone on this earth.

Thoughts edited just after my marriage:
While i was traversing the Kilometers on the road which would take me to my in-laws place, the only thoughts erupting in my brain were: how would i b able to survive in a place full of new people?? all those years i had been calling "my house" now which one should i be calling as mine?? How will it be like wen i wil return to my mom's place... i just wanted to break free tht time n run back... jus run back n reach "my house"...
I reached at my in-law's place and was overwhelmed with the cordial welcome tht i received. everything wen on so well. Everyone seemed to be so warm and reassuring, just like how everyone is at my home... immediately i could feel at ease and at home...after finishing the normal rituals, I immediately called up my parents and was so glad to hear their voice... all the doubts tht i had about my fitting in into the new environs had vanquished.

Now what should i say about "Baabul Ka Aangan"... It stil remains the place it used to be before for me... a place where i can find solace... nothing seems to hav changed... its just tht i hav a few more dear ones added to the list of already existing ones... and my life continues... Me and my thoughts once again...

Charity or waste of money???

Could anyone take a wild guess as to wat m gonna rite here?? ok.. this blog is mine and watever thoughts present here are solely the forebearing of my mind as i have already said before. so today m gonna rite about a daily scene that i witness quite a many times at Hyderabad and my mind today thought of penning down those thoughts...Let me begin...
I was travelling by the local MMTS(multi modal transport system.... For people not very familiar wid Hyderabad, this is one of the most convenient transport i find here. I kinda find solace from the push n pull of the Hyderabad busses here... ). I see a girl.. she comes and distributes a pamphlet which says tht shes from Gujarat and shez very poor and she needs money(in denominations of 2, 5, 10 , 50) for her sister's marriage... I see her going from person to person distributing the pamphlet. ok.. for a person she recognises as the one who can't understand Telugu, she hands over an English one which has a note which goes like: "since I cannot write in English, I have taken help from a Hindi knowing person to write this..." well... there starts my thought process.

"Should i give this girl some money as help?"... "Is this a true story tht she has printed over here?"... "is she bent on cheating me of my hard earned money .. be it even 2 Rs??"..."well shez not forcing me.. its upto me to give her some money or not...." my heart comes to my rescue... the aunty sitting opposite to me in the train hands over the pamphlet to her along with some money and i too decide to follow suit.. I hand over the pamphlet to her along with a 2 Re coin. I see that she has almost collected about 20-30 Rs from the ladies compartment which i can say was quite empty at about 1.00 in the afternoon.

now tht shez long gone... i decide to debate wid myself on this topic and to write a blog about watever be the outcome... wat if tht girl was really in need?? wat if my contribution (which will look relatively insignificant to me since I dont mind spending collosal amount of money on luxuries for myself) will really help her to settle her sister's life?? possibilities are many... is she bluffing?? but does tht really matter??

Walking down the streets of Hyderabad, it is not very uncommon to meet someone asking for alms... my opinion is tht as long as u r ok wid Charity and ready to help someone, you should b doing it... I hav some close friends who are against this and they call it those people's fate. i cant object to them as it is their perspective... n m sure those ppl reading this at this time will hav a smile on their face...
but how do we findout if the person is genuinely in need of assistance or no?? it is very difficult... and it become smore difficult wen you see a movie like "Traffic Signal"...

For a persom like me who thinks tht every person has a rite to b happy and the person who is wel to do can help those less privileged ones, I hav decided finally to help those ppl the way i can... even if it means that i sometimes will hav to b a bit uncomfortable.
For me I would say, it is not waste of money, but it is charity. I have given it wid a gud heart, its upto God to decide whether it is of use or no!!
So friends I know there will be lots of mixed reactions to this post of mine. If you feel that u should put a point which i dint think abt here, then please go ahead and leave me a comment. after all, this is just a debate of me.. against myself.. mite b someone someday will give a better perspective to my thoughts...

Zindagi ke safar mein guzar jaate hai jo muqaam....

Does this title seem familiar to u?? ok u guessed it rite.. today m gonna rite about this very common topic of my life....

well well... as usual i boarded my office shuttle today wid my ears plugged with the iPod.. i tried to give my heavy eyelids a bit more rest in the early cozy mornin and Kishore Da's voice starts mesmerising me and i go traverse back through the unwritten pages of my life...

Beautifully sang by Kishore Da... Lyrics by Anand Bakshi...

zindagi ke safar mein,guzar jate hain jo makam
woh phir nahin aate,
woh phir nahin aate
zindagi ke safar mein,guzar jate hain jo makam
woh phir nahin aate,
woh phir nahin aate

phool khilte hain,
log milte hain
phool khilte hain,
log milte hain magar
patjhad main jo phool
murjha jate hain
woh baharon ke aane se khilte nahin
kuchh log ek roz jo bichad jate hain
woj hazaron ke aane se milte nahin
umr bhar chahe koi pukara kare unka naam
woh phir nahin aate,
woh phir nahin aate

aap roka hai
kya bharosa hai
aap roka hai kya bharosa hai suno
doston shak dosti ka dushman hai
apne dil me ise ghar babane na do
agar tadapna pade yaad me zindagi
rok lo roothkar unko jaane na do
baad me pyaar ke chahe bhejo hazaroon salaam
woh phir nahi aate
woh phir nahi aate

subaah aate hai
raat jaate hai
subaah aate hai
raat jaate hai yuhi
waqt chalta hi rehta hai rukta nahi
ek pal me ye aage nikal jaata hai
aadmi theek se dekh paata nahin
aur parde pe manzar badal jaata hai
ek baar chale jaate hai jo din raat subaah shaam
woh phir nahi aate
woh phir nahi aate

zindagi ke safar mein,guzar jate hain jo makam
woh phir nahin aate,
woh phir nahin aate

Ok... since the time i can remember my childhood i can associate myself wid so many people... people i met as a child.. as a collegian... as an employee..

Does this song really make you think about all those times in the past and make you visit your memory lane?? wel wel this is wat exactly happened to me... my thoughts wandering as far as i can think of i felt like my entire life was coming in front of me as a movie reel.

"zindagi ke safar mein,guzar jate hain jo makam woh phir nahi aate..." things happened in the past in your life will never occur again... isn't tht so very true??? those nice times we have seen... those bad moments we came across... can we really get those moments back?? those innocent smiles at the day of graduation... those captivating friendly moments... those warm moments spent cuddled in the arms of ones parents... wish we could travel back in time some day... I wonder how many things i could have set straight where i thought i had erred...

"phool khilte hain,log milte hain,patjhad main jo phool murjha jate hain woh baharon ke aane se khilte nahin kuchh log ek roz jo bichad jate hain woj hazaron ke aane se milte nahin umr bhar chahe koi pukara kare unka naam woh phir nahin aate"
Flowers bloom, people meet... those flowers which wilt, will not bloom in a new spring season... people once gone far away.. will not come even if thousands of ppl do come... even if u try calling them for a lifetime.. they dont come back...
Its so very true... words said by us are just like arrows... once they leave our tongue they r very difficult to revert back... use your words sensibly and think twice before hurting ppl close to you... i hav written here from my personal experience... people gone from your life... even if they come back, the bond doesnt remain the same.. there always remains a silent cold war kinda...

"doston shak dosti ka dushman hai
apne dil me ise ghar babane na do
agar tadapna pade yaad me zindagi
rok lo roothkar unko jaane na do
baad me pyaar ke chahe bhejo hazaroon salaam
woh phir nahi aate"
How true... doubts and mistrust in friendship is a vice... we should never give them place in our heart. I have learnt a good lesson from life... if u really like a person, dont let him/her go... it will b very difficult to get them back...

"subaah aate hai raat jaate hai waqt chalta hi rehta hai rukta nahi ek pal me ye aage nikal jaata hai aadmi theek se dekh paata nahin aur parde pe manzar badal jaata hai
ek baar chale jaate hai jo din raat subaah shaam woh phir nahi aate"
A moment gone, is a moment which becomes history... Its impossible to get a single lost moment back... I used to always argue as a child that the same date same, time will come next yr again... but how ignorant I was... i used to forget tht the year will always b different!!! these morning... evening will never be got back again...

As i neared my company tears welled up in my eyes... how true... we tend to hurt ppl we like so much.. just because of minor misunderstandings, useless self ego etc we tend to lose ppl so close to our heart... and we end up in misery...
I made a promise to myself tht i will no longer let this happen to me...
Kudos to you Anand Bakshi Sahab.. for such wonderful thought provoking lyrics and also to Kishore Da for suh an enchanting voice... If it was'nt for you, probably this blog post of mine would never hav come into existence...
As I say gudbye to you, i m still humming tht tune in my mind... "Zindagi ke safar mein guzar jaate hai jo maqaam... woh phir nahi aate... woh phir nahi aate..."